Queer fertility is riddled with decision making. When to start trying to have a baby? Who will carry? Start with IUI or straight to IVF? Whose eggs? Whose sperm? When to take a break? How much money to spend? Looking back on our experience I realize that choosing a sperm donor is the first thing I did as a parent. While we had 2-3 characteristics we were hoping to find in a donor, the process was largely not about us and about what are the best decisions for our future children.