Queer fertility is riddled with decision making. When to start trying to have a baby? Who will carry? Start with IUI or straight to IVF? Whose eggs? Whose sperm? When to take a break? How much money to spend? Looking back on our experience I realize that choosing a sperm donor is the first thing I did as a parent. While we had 2-3 characteristics we were hoping to find in a donor, the process was largely not about us and about what are the best decisions for our future children.
I am non-binary. And I am also a person who just doesn't want to be pregnant. That reason supersedes any other cultural expectations and it is more than enough to be valid.
The decision about who carries for us was less about whose body will be our vessel and more about examining our relationships with our own bodies.